I should not have said that. If I had not, I would have escaped this sleepless night, tears rolling down in installments, dark circles in the early morning and queries of everyone, above all the intense pain of losing a part of myself. Despite my words, he should not have reacted the way he did. I expected him to get furious but never thought he would think the otherwise. I would have him not understanding the situation rather than uttering those piercing words. At the moment, in a corner of the country he might be replying the mails of deprived from some other corner. But I am indifferent to the tomorrow’s meeting which might spin my career. All I can think of is him. Conversation, 10 hrs ago with him in airport on phone crossed the mind again.
“What are you doing there?”
“I am going to Nainital.” My voice was filled with great enthusiasm.
“What?” I jumped once for his reaction.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. Why are you leaving for Nainital?”
I explained him with huge zeal about how the game I created was recommended to the head office and I received a call to present before senior management. His reply was a sigh and that drained away my happiness.
“Why don’t you say something?”
“What should I say?”
“Aren’t you happy?”
“Hmmm. I am”
“Then what’s the issue?”
“You are going. Its your wish. Where do I have a say in this?”
“Why are you talking like this?”
“How should I?”
“As always as my sweet Chandu” I tried to lighten up the moment.
“It’s not always possible to adhere to your will”
I was on call all the way from taking the boarding pass to boarding the flight. Flight attendant urged to end the call. He was not revealing what was bothering him; neither did he share my happiness. If things were normal we would have met in two days, but postponing it by a week doesn’t change a thing. Frustrated with these thoughts, I said to him. “I don’t think it will work out between us”
He took a moment and said relaxed, “You are right. We should not be talking anymore”
I didn’t say a word. I could only hear the engage tone. Air hostess was happy.
I was staring out of the window. It’s a new day. I switched off the unnecessary alarm I set yesterday night and went to rest room. I got ready in an hour and started rehearsing for the meeting. After a while, my mind started to work and suggested this would one of those tiffs and in 24 hours I would be receiving his call again.
It has been five days. No call from him. My company approved of the game. I was packing my stuff when my manager called and informed about the business party being organized in two days which he would like me to attend. When a boss says he likes to, it means he insists. I agreed half-heartedly, though the thought of Chandu waiting at home depressed me. I could not resist calling at a moment but he was the one who hung up. Its been long and I could not consider it a silly fight anymore. Nainital is very beautiful in the evening. I just left the hotel without a single pie for a long lonely walk. World around me is at its beauty peak and all I could think of is him. I got back to the hotel and checked mobiles. The first thing a job in corporate gives is two mobiles. Official did not have any calls. Personal had 21 missed calls. Optimist of mine expected it to be Chandu. I tried to unlock the phone, I could not. I tried all ways of making it work. I realized the touch is no more working.
I rushed to stores for repair with my colleague and everyone said it would take 4 days. I cannot wait till I reach home to figure out the mystery. I can call him directly and get it clarified, but I do not want to give in. I am going to call all my prospective callers and get it resolved. I would have started now itself but it’s already 10 and I did not want to seem stupid.
I figured my mobile could be charged and I could attend any new calls. Only if I miss one, I couldn’t see who it was. If he had called yesterday, he might try today too. I charged the mobile full and held in my hand tight as we went for sight-seeing in Nainital. I called mom early in the morning itself. She did call me thrice. Dad revealed that she floated the news of my game to all relatives possible. Remainder lies at 18. I shortlisted relatives and could drag it down to 8. I didn’t have the will power to think of self esteem and started calling each. I wondered if any of them did not try to reach me yesterday, they might think I called in addition to my mom to exhibit my success. Luckily, all of them called. Unfortunately that brings down the chance of Chandu calling me to half. The last call I did was Aunt Sangeetha’s. She is my mom’s elder sister and it’s her daughter’s wedding where I met Chandu for the first time. The first time I set my eyes upon him, I was way more attracted. It was a weird day.
I liked him instantly when I saw him at her house on that day. As they announced for leaving for the wedding hall, I wished he would be in the same car as mine. As we were about to start, my aunt called him to join us. In the ceremony, I was serving soft drinks to the guests and was searching for him. He flashed out of nowhere took the glass about to be taken by someone else, apologized and left. I inquired about him and the bride said that he used to be groom’s colleague. As I wanted to know further she tried to pull my legs and I escaped with the mask of attitude. I was holding the ceremonious veil between the couple; I hoped he would be at the other end. He did join as my aunt left to get to some other work. I was gazing without even a thought of people around. I was happy that my mother forced me to wear a saree and wondered if at the moment I could make a guy fall for me. Praise from the groom’s mother in front of him made me proud. While having lunch I was thinking about him and the chain of events since morning made me look beside me, where I found him.
Ceremony was about to end and I realized that I was meeting him all the day but did not exchange a simple hello. I was depressed at the thought and someone patted me to call. As I turned back, its him and he himself introduced saying it’s weird that we bumped into each other a lot and didn’t know each other names too.
I was changing my clothes in the bathroom as I recalled it. My mobile ring tone brought me to the present and I ran to get it, breaking a bangle. It was Farhan, my college mate. He too called to congratulate me and I ended his call abruptly giving vague reason. Poor Farhan. He called after months. I decided to make it up after getting back to home. Chandu mistook him to be my boy friend and I remember the day when I cleared his doubt. After the wedding, we met again in McDonalds during rush hour. We exchanged numbers to leave early and it was me who called him first. I learnt he was a software engineer and later developed interest in social-entrepreneurship. He works in a village and now in city to attend some 10 day seminar. During that time I met him daily at the cost of my college to know him more. At the end of his stay, he came to my college to say good-bye. He saw me with Farhan fighting over a keychain. Later I accompanied him for a walk to the railway station. As we passed through a vacant street and he raised the topic of Farhan. I told him he was just a friend. I wondered why always such topics arise when the road is empty. He apologized and told that he is from a small town and maybe he still could not broaden his views. He was speaking about how to distinguish relationships but I was not listening. I felt the time was perfect and kissed him on his cheek. I said in a whisper, “If a thing like this happens, you can be sure the girl is not just your friend”
He didn’t say a word but smiled. I could not say anything either. He left and I didn’t have any answer. He called as soon as he got there and revealed that he felt jealous of Farhan. That summed up his answer. We are in a long distance relationship but it never bothered me. We met whenever possible and its been already 3 years. I then started calling my next set of possibilities, friends. I called everyone possible and was happy when it was not them. Nevertheless, 8 missed calls could be counted. This leaves two. I grabbed the strength to be hopeful and went for the dinner.
I was in the line for the buffet and ring tone again startled me. I left the food and went to attend the call. It’s my dad. It was a routine call to check my well-being. During the conversation, he said he tried reaching me yesterday from his mobile too. That jots down 21 to one. I tried reasoning out that all the possibilities exhausted so the rest could be him. My manager joined me and asked why I was not eating anything. I replied with a smile. He asked me to be prepared for tomorrow’s party. I grew doubtful when he asked me to consider him a father-like. His voice lowered down significantly and he started telling about our Chairman’s son, Karthikeya. I was least interested to know about him. I spoke like a word or two to him post meeting. Manager said that he came to know that Karthikeya found my personal number through records and tried contacting me the other day. He also added that it was Karthikeya’s idea to stop me for the upcoming party. Manager kept on saying that he actually might be interested in me and wished me good luck and was giving pointers. I was not in a mood to listen to any of that.
So, Chandu did not call me. I felt like I was falling from a cliff. I spent another night sleepless. I did not join others for a trip to valley of flowers and stayed back. I was sitting on the floor with mobile on the bed. Any single movement or sound from it could kill me at that intensity. I was startled by a sound and it was hotel landline. It’s a call to inform that someone was waiting downstairs for me. I wished it should not be Karthikeya and got dressed up. I did not afford to leave without cell phone. As I was descending the steps I could not believe my eyes. It’s Chandu. He was sitting in the sofa and stood as I came near him. My eyes were already wet and he started speaking, “So, you won.”
“Won what?”
“You got me here.”
“I know. You are crazy about me.”
“C’mon. It was you who fell for me and tried hard”
“Yes. That’s what scared me”
“Scared? Why?”
“You know, maybe it was all just me, pushing you to…”
“Stop that. I was upset because you did not tell me about it before hand.”
“I wanted it as a surprise”
“Believe me. It was not. I could not understand your priorities.”
I knew he would go on talking if I don’t stop. I slipped the mobile onto the sofa to catch his hand. It felt warm and everything seemed going right. As we were looking at each other, my mobile rang and he noticed it. He asked me to pick it up. I didn’t even turn my head and said, “Does not matter.”
P.S. This is to tell you guys that we girls don't call but go beyond the world waiting for one.
