Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Hmmm.. This year I passed on my confusion to my friends. Two simple questions it is.

"What comes to your mind when I say modern dating? N how is it different from traditional dating?"

I have huge consensus this year compared to any other survey I have done. So, a little analysis brought out following repeated themes in the responses.

1. No commitment

2. Sex

3. Online dating

No one wakes up one day, thinking now I would go around breaking hearts (may be except psychopaths). When we were forming opinions, we forget the part where we ourselves are integral in the "them". Commitment to what, really? I believe things changed in terms of our priorities and opinion leaders. Before it was from your family/close peers or further someone in news. Now, Google tells us what to do, what to wear, who to see, what to listen, whom to love, how to cure, why to live. Not exactly Google, but billions of voices trying to be heard, just like mine right now. People tend to be lost when they have no ONE philosophy in life. Good or Bad. Problem is now, we want to be good, always right and right. You see where that leads us. Nowhere.

In times like Aziz Ansari parents', they were looking for partners, now we looking for passion, which is a good thing we were programmed to believe. "Do what you are passionate about". Passion is uncontrollable by definition and cognitive control is what makes us human. Look for passion, its not a problem. But happiness is also a very sweet thing to be longing for.

As far as my opinion on change goes, I do not believe anything changed. Broken hearts are more vocal now, that's it. Twisted romances were silenced and in grape vine before but now on Twitter feed. Let's not forget that movies only divinize pen pal relationships. Watch any old art flick, you will see. Even if there is change, people not falling in love at first sight, is a good thing. Not committing life to a person we barely know is a good thing. Not letting past dictate the life is a good thing.Preferring someone who can be around you is a good thing.

Only change I would like to see is honesty. You never know, tell that guy/girl you are seeing someone else too and can't decide at the moment. He/She might surprise you (in any way). Let's be honest of what we are and what we feel, to others and most importantly us.

Fairy tales are not opposite of modern dating scenario. I think they are on the same side. Both reveal how imperfect we are. Meeting someone you like, falling in love and expecting a happily ever after or meeting someone you like, incapable of dealing with your emotional see-saw and quitting before making an effort, aren't they same as hell?

When I was going around asking people these questions, I had to comment to a friend that he and his wife are made for each other. He said "We know". WE KNOW. Do you think there would be such an audacious and beautiful statement if he hadn't taken a chance?

Happy Valentine's Day Folks!!!
 
Pata (Old) dating was to find the right partner. Kotta (New) dating is.... Lets have fun.... And if she is the right partner then its a bonus - Ashwin

Laziness for Going out and talking to people. Traditional - it was difficult to find a date. And you put in all kind of effort to keep up the relationship. Nowadays- its so easy to find a date so they don't have to put up with anyone. They have all the options they want. They can shift people whenever they like - Leena

Casual dating, To know each other's interests, Compatibility. May be when you feel someone is interesting to you, you try to meet them more, know them if they will be compatible with you etc. For changing it to a committed relationship. I know dating. I don't know modern - Kavya

Okay.. So u think dating scenario changed with time or its the same as before? - It's the same I guess - Ashish

I always felt.. dating is for romantic relationships which lead to marriage N only of they find something very different they breakup. But these days it's different. Marriage is like a big think even after 2 years of dating. Seems wierd. Commitment is a big thing. Companionship was more important then. Now physical intimacy also plays role. It sometimes starts with just physical needs - Shravani

It's more physical rather than emotional .... People are no more feeling shy to choose after testing all the aspects they want in the partner. Carefree .... Do want you want. You can date for fun or love or just companionship. It's ur choice. And when I say carefree first thing that comes to my mind is befikre movie- Anonymous Female

Going with a temporary relationship in mind from the outset. - Deepa

No strings attached/dating apps/changing girls/guys frequently. cuz no body is ready for commitment and the fact that most of them are broken hearts they find it difficult to get emotionally attached. Sex doesn't have a meaning. Romance doesn't happen like mostly. convenient companionship - Keerthi

Apudu (Then) distance used to not matter but now it does. I guess, Love was blind. Now it got eyes? Ears and everything. Commitment levels are less. Ppl want to explore options - Bindu

Umm...fear and lack of commitment In modern dating.. I am talking on indian basis. Lot of people just go for it without even slightest commitment and then are scared to make the call. Which can throw apart whatever they had.. - Tanuja

Sexxxx. Diff is in d name.. but not in modern/traditional. More Physical advancement, less break up time. - Vijay

Okapudu konchem emotional attachments vundevi (There used to be emotional attachment back then, as in they would like to take forward). Ante they would like to take it forward. And there's some effort they put in to make things work out. Ipudu work out avvakapothe vadhileyadam (Now they give up if it does not work out). Ante it's OK to break up types lo. Break up is some kind of fashion laga - Monica

Tinder. Dating antene modern. Thers nothing traditional about it ani na opinion (Dating is itself modern. My opinion is there's nothing traditional about it) - Siri

Stupidity. Ppl cant go out and find junta .. Instead they sit with lap or phone and think  they will find love. Not even love. You really don't know my feelings on this current topic. In same way, you really don't connect emotionally when you try all these online things. They are good for time pass. In order to know,what the opposite person feels, its always better to be right next to,them. - Sachin

didnt know that there are 2 diff kinds of datings. i think dating itself is modern. i equate dating to having a choice who u wanna be with. - Chandu

Hookups ..  Preconceived notion on somebody from their social media profiles - Vignesh

Modern days or in current world,  dating has become more common and people are open about their relation. And for some reason if it doesn't work with a particular boy or girl..  They just move on.. This is what I noticed from discussions with my cousins  and other kids who are in 18 to 25 yards old now. I feel people do feel...  But move on much faster...  I felt dear zindagi movie depicts this very well. But are they experiencing the real love for each other is something I doubt...  Could be the reason for more breakups... - Sushmitha


Everything is fast. Online like tinder matching , going to bars for date. Live in. Girls paying on first date. Girls asking boys out. Endless chatting instead of talking on phone. Making more travel plans with each other. More open about relationship - Shivam

Picking up from clubs. Modern dating is similar to traditional dating in many ways but it's quick. Lesser time to commit and lot of confusion to commit. Basically people doesn't want to commit in modern dating easily. And more thing is there is fuck up in Indian system. People who are dating in India always have a back up of arranged marriage, so they are not actually that serious when compared to Western states, where they date to get married eventually - Puneeth

When i think of writing about this a question comes to mind, how do i differentiate between the two ?? Am i so old that i have seen both the sides ?? or was i on the cusp when the transition happened.

Just the other day there was a discussion and ppl where deciding on what gifts to buy for Valentines. Options were ranging from flowers, cakes etc but buying will happen online and thats when i realized that this was when the transition happened. Internet among all things has changed the dating experience altogether. It even helps to find you a date a task traditionally entrusted to your social circle. The convenience of having everything at the click of the mouse has made things easier for us in this regard as well. Try and visualize yourself going through gift shops to buy that perfect gifts, hopping through flower shops to find the fresh flower for your lover.....all of this has been replaced now. there are dedicated sites in each of these areas to help you out. Instead of shops you browse sites. that for me is how modern dating has changed. On a personal note though all this internet thing is helpful, would still prefer the old school way which i feel has more of a personal touch. but hey thats just me :) - Anonymous male

Sources:

http://www.newlovetimes.com/a-guide-to-modern-dating-terms-you-didnt-know-you-needed/

http://www.vagabomb.com/Slang-Terms-to-Update-Your-Modern-Dating-Dictionary/

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/dating-relationship-terms-terms-what-they-mean-game-ghosting-benching-dtr-fbo-thirst-trap-a7486511.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/02/dating-language_n_4338743.html

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/india-today-sex-survey-most-indian-women-find-premarital-and-extramarital-sex-unacceptable/1/206292.html